We're anxious, fearful, insecure people. These parts have a lot of pull over us and even when we fight against our own wretchedness and try to improve, we still lose. We begin to believe that no matter how much we do, we just can't change. Hopelessness is created and sustained by self-bullying.
What if instead of exhausting ourselves with doubt, we listened to the parts of us that encourage?
You know the ones. We forget them because it takes quiet and safety for them to come out, and bullying ourselves doesn't make us feel safe. But these parts do (very much) exist.
And when they are heard and heeded, they're powerful. They give you energy rather than you spending it. You feel nourished, not judged. Sustained, not drained.
They show you that you're all right, maybe even good. You're comfortable, at ease, able to pause instead of quickly react. They show you that you may even be mostly kind and honest.
You may have felt these parts when you've:
- supported a friend even if he's disagreed with you
- expressed patience with a challenging colleague at work or school
- allowed yourself to smile at someone despite your angry, defensive mood
- laughed so hard at a joke that you remembered it all day and it made you laugh every time
- asked someone else how they were feeling even though you felt extremely sad
- paused and noticed if you were about to create unnecessary personal drama
- had a good idea for a project that you didn't care if others approved of
- written something- a line, an article, a blog post, a note to a friend that made you smile
- held back and given guidance only when your child asked for it
- pushed yourself to learn something small you didn't think you could learn
- felt the sincere kindness of a stranger that made you feel super grateful
- went to a meeting even though you felt nervous to contribute
- walked outside in the cold in a big puffy coat alone or with your dog and felt cozy
- completed a task that weighed heavy on your mind for weeks prior
- remembered a memory of someone you once loved who taught you something about yourself
- done the dishes or made dinner even though you really didn't want to
- stayed calm for even a minute during an intense situation or conversation
- felt lonesome and sad and instead of drinking beer, you ate carrots
- shared your second idea even though everyone hated your first one
Sometimes you really make an effort and things work out great. Other times things turn out only okay. That's just fine. Even though you may feel like a hopeless, sleepwalking, nervous fool, these parts show you otherwise. They have proof. "You're more than just your hungry, habitual parts. Remember that one time you did that one thing?You were super strong then, so we know what you're made of."
These parts show you the fresh reserves of strength, tact, creativity, and gratitude hidden behind your fear. Before we go deaf listening to the noise, let's realize the power in listening beyond it to the parts of ourselves that matter.
This weekend, take some time to pause and listen to your special, good parts since they're there. If you don't listen, who will?
