Gratitude for lessons learned and "old" telephone poles!

I am just coming off one of the worst weeks of my life... with a re-flair of an illness (I thought was kicked), some professional set-backs, a few financial challenges ... and then our 17 year old son hits a telephone pole and nothing else seemed relevant ...  Then just as suddenly...everything was relevant and in crisis mode... He is a good kid, a new driver, coming back after taking his girlfriend home, it was a late Saturday afternoon (after his varsity baseball game), he was tired and closed his eyes for a second... His last thought before hitting the pole was "Dad is going to kill me"  The worst feeling in the world is driving to the scene of an accident involving your child, the 5 miles seem like hundreds... and then you see the flashing lights and loose all rational control  until you hold your "safe" child in your arms .  My husband and I were second guessing every decision, questioning our judgment, his abilities.  He is fine... not a scratch on him, the car and the pole (thankfully it was old and broke in half) however are both totaled.  The real kicker was that my "fibro-fog" lead me to forget some critical things (insurance stuff) prior to the accident that made the situation much more complicated & potentially financially devastating.  After hours of hysterical crying... I mustered up enough braincells to correct the situation. My trust in myself was gone, I was physically, emotionally & spiritually bankrupt.   Forgetting the one thing that really matters; we still had both of our sons (above). And today I get this e-mail ...    *******************************  ELIMINATING THINGS ABOUT MYSELF AND MY LIFE THAT I HAVE DETERMINED ARE UNACCEPTABLE       I am now receptive to the idea that .  .  . God's inner vision of me can be the outer vision I create for myself.

There is nothing you need to do to make yourself more acceptable to God.  You don't have to work harder, nor do you need to change the kind of work that you do.  You don't have to give more money to more charitable organizations.  The reality is, God doesn't want you to give anyone anything if you only do it to impress God!  God does not love you or find you acceptable because of anything that you do.  God loves you and accepts you because you are a part of God. You can now give up any neurotic beliefs and activities associated with perfection.  That's right!  You can stop trying to be perfect!  You can stop trying to do everything perfectly.  You can save the time, energy and money you are spending trying to make the world or other people perfect.  You can stop trying to figure out how to make yourself greater, grander, more acceptable to God today because you consider yourself to be damaged by the mistakes you made yesterday.  Nothing you can do will make you look better, sound better, smell better or in any way be better, more acceptable than the person God made you to be. God has an inner vision.  God is looking at you from the inside out.  When you are accepting of yourself as a divine creation of God, undeniably connected to God, filled with the love of God, you become acceptable to yourself.  That is really all that God is concerned with. Until today, you may have believed that there was something you needed to do to make yourself more acceptable to God.  Just for today, examine and explore the aspects of yourself you believe are unacceptable.  Identify the behaviors and actions you are engaged in and make a list of those things you choose to eliminate.  Just remember that God is happy when you are happy.  So do it for yourself. Today I am devoted to eliminating those things about myself and my life that I have determined are unacceptable!"      From Until Today!    by Iyanla Vanzant http://ow.ly/4Y6VN My lessons learned: be grateful first and last as parents you can do your best; stuff still happens be gentle with yourself share your limitations, ask for help God knows what he is doing ...  we are truly blessed

Making Sense of Fibromyalgia ...

I have been caught up in a very long period of severe symptoms... sometimes affecting my life beyond levels of what I think I can handle.  

The good news is... It feels like I am coming out the other end (blogging is always a good sign). I can see an improvement everyday, even if it is just in small ways. 

Most times I have no idea how I get through and then I just look around, at my support system, and I know! With patience, understanding, communication and information... we all cope better.

The greater the knowledge, the greater the comfort level. If you, or someone you care about, are fighting Fibromyalgia... encourage others to learn as much as possible.

Below are some basic points to help the people in your life better understand the condition that affects millions and controls every aspect of life.

  

Fibromyalgia Basic Facts

• Greater than 4 million people, in this country, currently have a diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. It does not discriminate; children, those in the prime of their lives, elderly, men, and women have been diagnosed with this condition. 

• Fibromyalgia is a condition that produces chronic pain of the soft tissues that may include the muscles, ligaments and tendons. It also may produce a number of other symptoms including temperature sensitivities; numbness and tingling that may travel throughout the body, fatigue, insomnia, concentration problems, gastric upset, headaches, joint discomfort and depression.

• Diagnosis is difficult. Currently, there is not a medical test available that will clearly diagnosis the condition. Fibromyalgia does not provide a clear physical, visual trait that can easily be recognized by a physician. Many patients suffer with symptoms for years before receiving a definitive diagnosis. Currently, diagnosis is based on patient history and tender point sensitivity. 18 sites on the body have been classified as “Tender Points”. Extreme sensitivity upon palpation of at least 11 of these 18 points as well as a history of widespread, chronic body pain for at least 3 months provides the most definitive diagnosis at this time. 

•  The underlying cause of Fibromyalgia is unknown. Research is ongoing to understand the exact cause and new treatment options. To-date, researchers agree that Fibromyalgia patients have an enhanced pain sensitivity and response originating from the central nervous system. Traumatic illness or injury may trigger the condition. In addition, research is continuing to determine if other factors may lead to the development of Fibromyalgia including; genetics, environmental factors, autoimmune dysfunction, nutritional deficiencies and connective tissue disease. 

• Frequency, degree and location of pain vary from day to day for Fibromyalgia patients. It is important to understand that on any given day a Fibromyalgia patient’s level of discomfort may range from mild muscle stiffness to extreme, radiating pain so severe they feel completely debilitated and unable to carry out simple daily activities. 

• Treatment is focused on managing the symptoms. Since the severity of the condition varies from person to person and day to day, the treatment plan focuses on the determination of the underlying causes and an effective regimen to alleviate the symptoms to attain and meet the lifestyle goals of the patient. It must be an individualized plan based. There is no simple answer and management of this condition requires a multi-therapeutic approach. The patient must be focused, determined and dedicated to taking control to increase their functionality. 

• A well-rounded management program, with the assistance of a knowledgeable physician who will work diligently to determine the underlying factors, may also include; nutritional counseling, conditioning and exercise programs, alternative therapies such as acupressure and massage, stress management and relaxation techniques as well as, lifestyle changes. 

Support from family and friends is critical... Understanding of the condition, the limitations it creates and working to assist them with their management program can make a tremendous difference in helping them get through the lows ... and together, enjoy the highs! 

For more information visit   www.fmaware.org

My Children: A Mother couldn't be Prouder!!!

I know every mother probably thinks this (even if she doesn't say it out loud); "My kids are the BEST kids in the world".  Well, objectively speaking, mine really are!  As objective as I can be... lol ("laugh out loud" for those not familiar with the jargon).  I was pleasantly reminded of how blessed we are after the recent Father's Day photo shoot.  The kids wanted to do something really special this year. If you don't know Charlie, I have to tell you, he is difficult to buy for (if he needs it- he has already bought it; if he doesn't- he'll take it back) and even harder to surprise! 

Even though picture taking is not high on their list of enjoyable experiences the kids were great sports (well almost- RC wasn't very happy as you can see in some of the video pictures).  And to make matters worse, to keep it a surprise, they had to give up Charlie's softball game (which they love to do every Friday evening).

These are more than just great pictures of our good looking teens... even Chris, our photographer, (TheStoryPhotography.com) mentioned what really great kids they are and how easy they are to work with... the pictures reflect who they really are.

Phillip, Olivia & RC in full Black Belt Gi

The karate pictures bring back memories of the many years of training (me dragging them ... and then, them dragging me); while juggling carpooling, homework, football, baseball, wrestling, swimming... all through hot summer days and winter snowstorms. The boys testing for their black belt together; running their 2 mile run in record time, sitting in "shiqudatchi " for hours with their instructors on their shoulders and Olivia testing a year later at 12 with her oldest brother running right beside her... pushing her forward.

The wonders of DNA: the same genes, same parents, same house... very different kids...

RC, 17

RC is a our quiet teddy bear... with a gentle heart bigger than his stature.  One story about RC, in particular, stands out for me.  A few years ago we were visiting the traveling Vietnam Memorial Wall at the fairgrounds. As usual, there were long lines, crowds of people and one nervous mother (me) trying to keep a headcount with one eye on the little heads and the other on the wall.  As I turned to do my "every 10 second" headcount, I suddenly realized that I could no longer see RC... he had lagged behind.  I grabbed the other kids, back tracked through the crowd and was ready to give the "you stay with me no matter what" lecture. I quickly noticed that he had his arms full of stuff that was not his.  He had stayed back to help out a dad so he could lift his young daughter up on his shoulders to do a pencil trace of a name of someone that they had loved and lost. No one has to ask RC to do things ... he just sees where people need help and he gives it.

Phillip, 16

Phillip is our social magpie, comic relief and swamp land salesman... There is constant laughter, very long stories and up to minute product reviews in our home. And a few "I like Turtles"... don't ask!  I remember one time when he was very little he told me that I should buy cascade because it was the BEST, and it is the best because they said so... I thanked him but explained that we were not buying it, because we didn't own a dishwasher.  He was very upset because it was the best and we had to have the best to make things easier for me. Phillip brings the smiles and laughter to our home in his own unique and creative ways. We have since bought a dishwasher and yes, we do use cascade! 

Olivia, 13

Olivia is beautiful, talented, athletic, smart ("high honor roll smart") and VERY organized ... we use to call it "bossy" but she has blossomed into an amazing leader. Given any task she breaks it down into steps, delegates and pulls everything off without a hitch.  She has become my linchpin ... not being able to do what I use to do; since the onset of my fibromyalgia. When Olivia was 2 she only had about 5 words in her vocabulary. As parents we were of course very concerned.  We took her through testing, hired a speech therapist and within 6 months she had over a 1,000 words (using them hourly of course). Her therapist, Lisa, said "she was just waiting patiently to be able to say them perfectly, before she wasted any breathe saying them". 

Charlie and I are truly blessed; it is so nice to be reminded between the: "When are you going to clean your room?" "Who loaded dirty dishes on top of the clean dishes in the dishwasher?" and the all too frequent  ".. you need how much money, and by when? "