Gratitude for lessons learned and "old" telephone poles!

I am just coming off one of the worst weeks of my life... with a re-flair of an illness (I thought was kicked), some professional set-backs, a few financial challenges ... and then our 17 year old son hits a telephone pole and nothing else seemed relevant ...  Then just as suddenly...everything was relevant and in crisis mode... He is a good kid, a new driver, coming back after taking his girlfriend home, it was a late Saturday afternoon (after his varsity baseball game), he was tired and closed his eyes for a second... His last thought before hitting the pole was "Dad is going to kill me"  The worst feeling in the world is driving to the scene of an accident involving your child, the 5 miles seem like hundreds... and then you see the flashing lights and loose all rational control  until you hold your "safe" child in your arms .  My husband and I were second guessing every decision, questioning our judgment, his abilities.  He is fine... not a scratch on him, the car and the pole (thankfully it was old and broke in half) however are both totaled.  The real kicker was that my "fibro-fog" lead me to forget some critical things (insurance stuff) prior to the accident that made the situation much more complicated & potentially financially devastating.  After hours of hysterical crying... I mustered up enough braincells to correct the situation. My trust in myself was gone, I was physically, emotionally & spiritually bankrupt.   Forgetting the one thing that really matters; we still had both of our sons (above). And today I get this e-mail ...    *******************************  ELIMINATING THINGS ABOUT MYSELF AND MY LIFE THAT I HAVE DETERMINED ARE UNACCEPTABLE       I am now receptive to the idea that .  .  . God's inner vision of me can be the outer vision I create for myself.

There is nothing you need to do to make yourself more acceptable to God.  You don't have to work harder, nor do you need to change the kind of work that you do.  You don't have to give more money to more charitable organizations.  The reality is, God doesn't want you to give anyone anything if you only do it to impress God!  God does not love you or find you acceptable because of anything that you do.  God loves you and accepts you because you are a part of God. You can now give up any neurotic beliefs and activities associated with perfection.  That's right!  You can stop trying to be perfect!  You can stop trying to do everything perfectly.  You can save the time, energy and money you are spending trying to make the world or other people perfect.  You can stop trying to figure out how to make yourself greater, grander, more acceptable to God today because you consider yourself to be damaged by the mistakes you made yesterday.  Nothing you can do will make you look better, sound better, smell better or in any way be better, more acceptable than the person God made you to be. God has an inner vision.  God is looking at you from the inside out.  When you are accepting of yourself as a divine creation of God, undeniably connected to God, filled with the love of God, you become acceptable to yourself.  That is really all that God is concerned with. Until today, you may have believed that there was something you needed to do to make yourself more acceptable to God.  Just for today, examine and explore the aspects of yourself you believe are unacceptable.  Identify the behaviors and actions you are engaged in and make a list of those things you choose to eliminate.  Just remember that God is happy when you are happy.  So do it for yourself. Today I am devoted to eliminating those things about myself and my life that I have determined are unacceptable!"      From Until Today!    by Iyanla Vanzant http://ow.ly/4Y6VN My lessons learned: be grateful first and last as parents you can do your best; stuff still happens be gentle with yourself share your limitations, ask for help God knows what he is doing ...  we are truly blessed

Fibromyalgia Awareness Day: Pain Does Not Reduce Potential (Guest)

National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day: May 12th

by FibroHaven

Potential - Noun: Latent qualities or abilities that may be developed and lead to future success or usefulness.

When I think of my desire to get well, the idea of being “cured” has never been my emphasis. Would it be amazing if one day we are all completely free of fibromyalgia? Absolutely! But in my quest to live better, I have never focused on a cure as my destination. Instead of focusing on a cure – something I cannot control, I have tried to focus on my potential for living better in each moment – something I can control, and on building momentum during the good moments and minimizing the bad. It is a formula that often works, and continues to encourage me to keep trying, even if it means I sometimes fail and fibromyalgia wins.
In our frustration with the many debilitating symptoms and lifestyle disruptions of FM, we often look for (and hope for) the quick fix. Who can blame us? But if there is one thing I can share today to encourage and inspire those of you trying to make sense of the misery of FM, it is this – focus on the things you can control, and let go of your attachment to the things you cannot. Be realistic. Understand that you can live better and that you do have a measurable amount of control over your symptoms.

Small changes can really add up to decreased symptoms and a better quality of life.

By being present and focusing on the variables you can control, you are doing the very best for yourself. Minimizing stress, eliminating sugar and gluten, exercising, etc. will not cure you of FM, but they will help reduce your symptoms and increase your quality of life. It is just a fact. A life with chronic illness is still a life full of potential and possibility, but we have a part to play to reach that potential.

Frida turned her pain into her passion.

The great Mexican artist and revolutionary Frida Khalo lived her life of chronic illness with passion and vigor – painting many masterpieces along the way. I am no Frida, but I certainly have a lot to live passionately for. Fibromyalgia or not, my life has purpose and I intend to continue focusing on the possibilities rather than the pain. And I know I am not alone. There are many of you who feel the same, so for you, this is just a gentle reminder of your potential.
And for those of you who need a little more encouragement I offer this:
Start small. Change happens slowly. This is an uphill battle we are all facing, but each baby-step takes us closer to where it is we want to be – as long as we have a realistic view of our destination. The path is bumpy, and dusty, and there are many obstacles – and even some booby traps – but with dedication and determination, it is passable.
Celebrate and build on the little victories. Again, this means you must have realistic expectations. Maybe you start walking 5-10 minutes a day. And 4 out of 7 days you do so relatively pain free. Yes! Definitely worthy of a celebration. Sometimes you will not see the results of your efforts immediately, but just know that your efforts are having an effect, and that change is happening. This is why it is so important to stay encouraged, because our bodies give us many reasons to be discouraged. Chose to focus on the potential, not the pain.
Understand that even with improvement, the bad days will still come. This does not mean that all of the good work you have been doing is lost. It does not mean that you should be discouraged and give up. It is simply a fact of a life with chronic illness – one of the facts we cannot change, so slow down, accept the setback, and prepare yourself to move forward again once you are able. Fibromyalgia is not a static condition. It changes and fluctuates constantly. Know that no matter how bad you are feeling in any particular moment, there are better moments ahead. Pain of today does not reduce your potential for tomorrow.
Pain Does Not Reduce Potential

Remember Your Good Parts (Guest)

We're anxious, fearful, insecure people. These parts have a lot of pull over us and even when we fight against our own wretchedness and try to improve, we still lose. We begin to believe that no matter how much we do, we just can't change.  Hopelessness is created and sustained by self-bullying. 

What if instead of exhausting ourselves with doubt, we listened to the parts of us that encourage?

You know the ones. We forget them because it takes quiet and safety for them  to come out, and bullying ourselves doesn't make us feel safe. But these parts do (very much) exist. 

 

And when they are heard and heeded, they're powerful. They give you energy rather than you spending it. You feel nourished, not judged. Sustained, not drained. 

They show you that you're all right, maybe even good. You're comfortable, at ease, able to pause instead of quickly react. They show you that you may even be mostly kind and honest.

 You may have felt these parts when you've:

• supported a friend even if he's disagreed with you
• expressed patience with a challenging colleague at work or school
• allowed yourself to smile at someone despite your angry, defensive mood
• laughed so hard at a joke that you remembered it all day and it made you laugh every time
• asked someone else how they were feeling even though you felt extremely sad
• paused and noticed if you were about to create unnecessary personal drama
• had a good idea for a project that you didn't care if others approved of
• written something- a line, an article, a blog post, a note to a friend that made you smile
• held back and given guidance only when your child asked for it
• pushed yourself to learn something small you didn't think you could learn
• felt the sincere kindness of a stranger that made you feel super grateful
• went to a meeting even though you felt nervous to contribute
• walked outside in the cold in a big puffy coat alone or with your dog and felt cozy
• completed a task that weighed heavy on your mind for weeks prior
• remembered a memory of someone you once loved who taught you something about yourself
• done the dishes or made dinner even though you really didn't want to
• stayed calm for even a minute during an intense situation or conversation
• felt lonesome and sad and instead of drinking beer, you ate carrots
• shared your second idea even though everyone hated your first one

Sometimes you really make an effort and things work out great. Other times things turn out only okay. That's just fine. Even though you may feel like a hopeless, sleepwalking, nervous fool, these parts show you otherwise. They have proof. "You're more than just your hungry, habitual parts. Remember that one time you did that one thing?You were super strong then, so we know what you're made of."

These parts show you the fresh reserves of strength, tact, creativity, and gratitude hidden behind your fear. Before we go deaf listening to the noise, let's realize the power in listening beyond it to the parts of ourselves that matter.

This weekend, take some time to pause and listen to your special, good parts since they're there. If you don't listen, who will?

fearlessstories.com

So Awesome! Will Smith... Motivator!

Will Smith – Motivator – The Affirmation Spot for Friday July 9, 2010 « The Affirmation Spot

Do you "Blog" or are you a "Blogger"?

There is a very important difference... I just happen to blog, among many other things I do, I am NOT a "Blogger" ... In my opinion ... 

You might be a "Blogger" if...

- You are Consistent; you make regular and timely posts (Me- I blog when the mood strikes, I have 6 posts still in draft form and 12 more ideas in my head that may or may not ever be posted... balance and consistency have eluded me all my life. And there is also that perfectionism thingy)

- You are Original; you formulate your own new and creative ideas & thoughts; sharing them for the benefit and thought stimulation of others (Me- I do enjoy writing my own stuff but I also collect other people's stuff to share {always crediting the source}... 'cause frankly sometimes others say what I want to say... only better!)

- You are Focused; you have one or two passions you specialize in.  (Me- I am all over the map... as in my life... everything flows and melds together.)

Not everyone can ... or should be a "Blogger" ... but everyone that chooses to can "Blog"...

Nope, I am not a "Blogger" ... but that is OK! :)

The Benefits I Didn't Expect (Guest) by Lisa

Sometime you read something that sounds so much like you, that you wish you had wrote it yourself ... and you wonder how could another person truly understand what is going on deep inside of you... Here are Lisa's words... Thank you Lisa... because you said it for all of us:

"It’s easy to get mired in our suffering, to feel we’re overwhelmed by forces in our bodies that bring us to our knees. I’ve been there for years, and things came to such a head that I simply couldn’t see any opening in that profound negativity no matter how hard I tried. Because Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue can bleed your soul. But as I begin to recover a sense of wellness, as my hope is rewarded month by month, I begin to reach for the positive in what has happened and is happening to me. “Find the good in this,” I urge myself.

Is there good in suffering? Not directly. It’s a bad physical and mental place no matter how you slice it. But when we dedicate ourselves to our own rescue, I think we can indeed start to identify profoundly positive things.

For me, for many of the patients I speak with, walking this particular bed of coals can become a transforming experience. We can heal our bodies and along the way gain a new perspective on our lives.

What things have I identified as positives in having FM and CFS?

I’ve learned not to take anything for granted. Not my health, not my creativity, not my memory, not the support of those who love me. And I’ve learned I am absolutely not willing to let go of those things. To be able to value the essentials you never used to question? I think that’s a gateway to awareness.

Small things aren’t small anymore. I’m paying attention as I’ve never paid attention before. To the strong colours that bloom in the evening sun. To the fingers my body wags at me. To the amazing feeling of a morning that isn’t filled with crippling anxiety. In ways, it’s like not living blind. To be able to truly see? Isn’t that the foundation of defining meaning and truly participating in your life?

I used to live a crazy life. I did too much, let too much get to me, and when I was overwhelmed, I imagined stripping everything from my life, just throwing it all away, so all that was left was an empty white room I could refill with only those things that mattered. But it’s hard to remove the excess consciously. FM and CFS do that for you. As you grow to feel worse, you give up more and more, and then even more, just so you can keep up with the bare essentials. As you grow to feel better, you gradually add back those things that matter most. Knowing what matters most? Isn’t that one of the joys of life?

When I discovered I had FM and CFS, I became aware of just how hard I’d been trying to deny what was happening and to keep hold of my life. With a diagnosis in hand, I thought I was pretty stupid to have lived in denial that long, but we all need to honor the kind of strength that keeps us going. Now that I’m in treatment and tasting wellness, I’m aware of how I have committed to every supplement I swallow, to accepting and working through the plateaus that can disappoint, to pushing like a marathon runner to the finish line. We all need to honor that kind of courage. To know you have the strength and courage not to give up? Priceless.

The quality of empathy is more like a theory - and a little harder to extend to others - unless you’ve been through the wringer yourself. My heart is opening in ways I hadn’t expected; every day I’m increasingly aware how something is shaping my compassion. Knowing you can live caring and open? Our world is constructed of relationships, and the more of ourselves we can bring to them, the more we are fulfilled.

One woman I spoke with told me, “Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she became a butterfly. And to me, that is exactly what has happened in my life over the last five months. It’s changed my life for the better. Something so devastating took everything away from me. I had never imagined how that could parlay into something that refined me by fire. And it really did. It made me a better person.”

Treatment is about healing my body. It has also become about healing the soul FM and CFS bled from me. Along the way, I’ve found I’m not just reclaiming my life, I’m growing into a whole new life. Because recovering from anything takes effort, these are the things we need to hold close.

In all things - even this - there is good."

I’m NOT alright – A women’s perspective of FM by Graceful Agony

Graceful Agony

But you don't look sick?

The Courage to Begin … Featuring my NEW friend :Sally G.

There is so much to say on this subject I don't even know where to start (no pun intended) ... this may also be filed under TMI (too much information). 

This is purely a selfish post... like Valerie Bertinelli in her weight loss goal (with Jenny Craig in case you missed the reference).  Sometimes you need to validate publicly to make it real, put it behind you, for acceptance and getting unstuck! (I say "public" very loosely... I have like 4 or 5 followers; who are greatly appreciated by the way).


I am not wired for selfish... ( and secretly inside I am hoping this reaches someone else also struggling with the same issues ... as I discovered Sally G.) back to being selfish...

In Sally's words that rang so true for me (no singing or music- none of us wants to hear me sing):

The Courage to Begin … Sally G.:
"Where Do I Begin? (originally written by Francis Lai, rewritten here by Sally G.)
Where do I begin?
To serve my Purpose as I know only I can,
A Purpose programmed by a vaster master plan,
To share my gifts so dying embers may be fanned,
Where do I start?
Like a growing child,
I want to Trust that magic happens just for me,
That all I need always arrives abundantly,
And all things tech I grasp and learn so easily,
Can’t this be so?
Can’t this be so in my reality,
Can wisdom flow, can I feel sure of me,
Can I let go, and feel secure
That all I have to give, will help another
Always tuned in, I’ll see the other,
Knowing my Intent, is that enough?
Why does self-doubt rise?
Why is it always that I’m standing in my way?
Slow to accept that no one else sees me this way?
Worried I’ll fail and harm someone along the way
These thoughts aren’t real.
I walk a path, created just for me,
I will become, all that I choose to be,
I need to Trust, my inner Truth
That yearns and calls to reach, beyond this bound’ry
I’ve put in place, though it’s not serving
Anyone at all, why is it there?
How long will it take?
To find the confidence to get out of my way,
To oust the demons that keep holding me at bay,
And render audible the voice that needs to say,
Right now, today …"

That is it for today... more on my revelations tomorrow... or the next day...

Attract what you need!

"You are a living magnet. What you
attract into your life is in harmony
with your dominant thoughts."
- Brian Tracy

FIBRO... There is no treatment, cure or even an accurate diagnosis ... :(

Fibromyalgia has changed my life... Although it is not all bad; given a choice it is not something I would have chosen for myself or have wish on anyone else.  It has however; given me a good reason to take care of myself, a gratitude for what I do have and an appreciation for what I still can do. (this acceptance has been a long process). 

As National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day (May 12th) approaches... I wanted to clue you in on a few key points:

There still are NO diagnostic tests available... (how frustrating?)
"Currently there are no laboratory tests available for diagnosing Fibromyalgia. Doctors must rely on patient histories, self-reported symptoms, a physical examination and an accurate manual tender point examination."

Diagnosis is delayed and expensive... 

"It is estimated that it takes an average of five years for an FM patient to get an accurate diagnosis. Many doctors are still not adequately informed or educated about FM. Laboratory tests often prove negative and many FM symptoms overlap with those of other conditions, thus leading to extensive investigative costs and frustration for both the doctor and patient. "

Other issues may complicate diagnosis...

"Another essential point that must be considered is that the presence of other diseases, such as rheumatoid arthritis or lupus, does not rule out an FM diagnosis. Fibromyalgia is not a diagnosis of exclusion and must be diagnosed by its own characteristic features."

Currently we are limited to only two criteria...

"To receive a diagnosis of FM, the patient must meet the following diagnostic criteria:

1- Widespread pain in all four quadrants of the body for a minimum duration of three months.

2- Tenderness or pain in at least 11 of the 18 specified tender points when pressure is applied

My particular petpeve; the medical community is so quick to prescribe drugs and recommend invasive treatments ... even without a diagnosis...

We still have so much work to do. Fibromyalgia is a debilitating, life changing illness effecting millions of people; and many that may not even know it's name.  For those suffering ... "a name" can make all the difference.

Your thoughts...experiences???

Please mark your calendar: May 12th